13 reflections on love

Love is a powerful but also mysterious feeling. It drives us, motivates us, and changes our lives. It is inevitable to surrender to its effects.

Love is that feeling that we all experience, but that few dare to define, to narrow in a few words, due to its great importance and complexity.

It drives us, motivates us, feeds us with well-being, but sometimes it also brings suffering, sadness, and discomfort, especially when it is not reciprocated or when it is misunderstood. Love is as powerful as it is mysterious, but it is inevitable to surrender to its effects. 

In the name of love, wars have started, crimes have been committed, taken infinite risks, and built stories worthy of admiration over time. The adventure of love does not escape mistakes, obstacles, dead times, or confusion.

Loving is the greatest experience that humanity can experience but the most complex. It is an art portrayed by the dedication and constant work, which is supported by goodness and authenticity and which in its broadest and deepest way connects us with the whole, with the divine experience.

Read:My partner lies to me; what can I do?

Now, to reach that connection, to savor all that love can offer us, it is important to learn to cultivate it in a healthy way in our relationships. For this, it is necessary to inquire within ourselves, in our vision of the world, and of the links with others. The following reflections on love can help us. Let’s go deeper.

“Where there is love, there is life.”

-Mahatma Gandhi-

We have different ways of seeing reality

The first of the reflections on love may seem complex, but it carries a powerful message:

Each one of us constructs reality through the education received, the interactions with others, and the meanings obtained from our perceptions, life patterns, and, ultimately, our history. We are immersed in subjectivity.

Kant, Piaget, or Paul Watzlawick are in favor of this perspective. The one in which the same phenomenon takes on multiple meanings depending on the observer who is present, the one that reminds us that, somehow, we are not possessors of the absolute truth and that life has as many nuances as people inhabit the world. This is beautiful and complicated. Beautiful because it enriches us and complicated because, often, it involves an exercise of responsibility, humility, and acceptance.

Read:The changes that disappointments produce

Being aware that the other interprets the situation differently is important and, in some way, suggests an exercise in empathy. Bearing in mind that our partner may be offended by something that may go unnoticed for us keeps us alert. Because,  often, it is not so much what happens but how we each experience it. 

Therefore, it is not so much about convincing and demanding the other to assume our vision of life, but about trying to understand him, to find out how he perceives through his gaze. Because only when we understand that each person can have a different opinion and that their ideas are formed from their biography, their life history is when we will truly be able to establish healthy and sincere relationships. Otherwise, we will live amid a tide of confrontation and conflict.

“There is no single reality. There are multiple realities. There is no single world. But many worlds and they all run in parallel… Each world is the creation of an individual ”.

-Paul Auster-

People change and have their own way

This is one of the reflections on the love that it is advisable not to forget. Nothing remains; everything changes, and people are not going to be less. Experiences transform us, sometimes forced by circumstances and others deliberately through our decisions. The important thing is that over time we are not the same.

Read:Consequences of going too fast in a relationship

To understand this is to consider that the other will not always behave as we expect, not even when they are used to certain behaviors. And, of course, neither do we. Change is inevitable and a right if we want it to.

Another aspect that is linked to the above is that, sometimes, people decide to travel other paths different from ours, even when at first they became our life companions. This is when we have to arm ourselves with the courage to accept and let go. Love sometimes has an expiration date, and we can’t help it.

Not only are unique paths traveled when you put an end and end. Each person has their own life path. Being aware of it frees us from selfishness and demands in relationships.

Every relationship is an opportunity to learn

Relationships are steeped in wisdom, learning about oneself, others, and the world in general. They teach us the roots of pain, suffering, and hopelessness, but also the roots of complicity, trust, love, and the power of forgiveness.

A relationship can become a good teacher, if we are willing to learn from it.

Relating to another person exposes a part of us; above all, with those with whom we forge strong and warm bonds. Our vulnerabilities come to the scene, and so do our needs, along with those fears that often prevent us from moving forward.

If we are willing to extract the learnings that our relationships offer us, we will realize that they are still lessons for our own benefit. Observing our weaknesses tells us which aspects we should put more emphasis on and which areas we need to work more on; While being aware of our strengths tells us what we can hold on to when everything goes wrong and what our potentialities and protection mechanism are.

And not only that, relationships are a great lesson book about others. It is a unique opportunity to connect with them and see beyond the disguise of appearance, observe them naked, and contemplate the beauty of their essence.

It is important to take care of yourself

This is another of the reflections on the love that we cannot miss. Although loving is a feeling directed towards others, it does not imply that we neglect ourselves—quite the opposite.

Only when we love each other, when we embrace each other with affection and respect, is it when we can give true love to others. If we don’t, we offer hurts, defensive attitudes, distrust, and disguised fears, especially during the first moments. Now, this does not imply that we do not know how to manage them, but we do have to be vigilant.

To love is to love yourself to love, to respect yourself to respect. It knows where our limits are and being aware that we are not obliged to endure bad treatment, anything, or a continuous situation of discomfort. We are free to choose where to be and with which people. We cannot forget it.

Actions and gestures are more important than words.

Words have the power to create realities, but if facts do not accompany them, these are usually ephemeral; they disappear as quickly as they have been created. We can express how much we love a person, tell them every day, but it is not enough. Acts are important too.

Now, it doesn’t take great acts to show true love. A knowing look, a how are you? Listening to what they have to say, holding hands, or accompanying in silence may be enough. Small details of the day-to-day that, although they make little noise, reach the other’s depths and, on occasions, can rebuild from the inside.

But it is not only important to have a love manager with the other, but also to value those that they offer us. There are many who go unnoticed but who contribute to making us feel better. You just have to be aware, open to the magic of love.

Each person has a story

This is one of the most valuable reflections of love. We are a puzzle of circumstances, experiences, and experiences. An accumulation of everything we have experienced that shapes us, that builds us. Because everything that happens around us qualifies our experience and our feelings, whether intensely or superficially, on tiptoe …

Taking this into account in our relationships is essential. Knowing that the other is different and that they are fighting their own battles helps us understand this.

To a large extent, everything we have experienced affects us somehow and how we fit it into the present depends on our history.

Managing emotions builds healthy relationships

Not being aware of our emotions leads to conflicts, frustrations, helplessness, and discomfort. Ignoring how we feel has consequences both for us and for the relationships we have.

If we do not know what causes us sadness or what is the origin of our anger, in some way, we are like strangers in our eyes. We do not know who we are, and it is difficult for others to know us. In fact, we are very likely to shift responsibility for how we feel to them.

The ideal is to become aware of our emotions, of how we function on an emotional level; not only to get to know each other and learn to manage them, but also to know what their effects are on our day-to-day life and where they can lead us. In this way, we will create more constructive relationships.

Not everyone can love us

This is one of the reflections on the love that is often difficult to accept. No one is obliged to love us, agree with our way of thinking, or approve of what we do. It is the law of life.

It is useless to pretend that another person loves us for who we are or accepts everything from us. We cannot fit in or like everyone.

The best thing is to be free to make the decisions we want, to walk our path, and that all this leads us together with people who do want to be by our side. Now, not passively, but from an attitude of work and effort.

Relationships are uneven

Equity can’t rule permanently in a relationship, but respect does. Sometimes one of the couple’s members will make a decision; at another time, it will be the other. It is like a dance in which roles are exchanged depending on the circumstances.

It is not possible to keep an objective count of all the gestures of love by the members of a couple, the number of times responsibilities are charged, or decisions are made. It is an exchange in which the other is allowed to enter to a certain extent and is obtained, in turn, according to their limitations and life experience.

Every relationship needs work, care and effort

Love is like a garden that must be watered every day, that must be endeavored to take care of. If we want to be happy and enjoy ourselves next to the other person, we have to work on our relationship. Because love is not a passive feeling, it feeds on our actions. 

In this way, there will be aspects to polish, others to eliminate, and some more to try to put in place to nurture the relationship. It is unavoidable. If we don’t pay attention to the relationship, it will deteriorate over time. Because like a plant, it needs to be watered and sanitized.

Knowing yourself is essential

Knowing yourself is the support from which to establish healthy bonds with others. Knowing how we are, what we want, and what love is for us are questions that, if we ask ourselves them, will help us to be more clear about where we are going.

Nothing happens if you make a mistake

One of the most important reflections on love: to err is not a condemnation, only a learning opportunity. When it comes to relationships, it is impossible to do everything right the first time; there are no manuals or tutorials and no magic formulas.

It is about being flexible, about considering the possibility that we will make mistakes not only with our partner but with family and friends. We are not magicians or fortune-tellers, nor are we beings with superpowers; the only weapons we have are listening, empathy, and words to express what we feel and what we want.

Now, just as we can make mistakes, others can also do it with us. Let’s not forget it.

You have to know how to say goodbye

Knowing how to put an end to end is one of the most complicated learnings. Saying goodbye, accepting that the other person will no longer be with us, and putting ourselves back together is not easy, but it is not impossible either.

There are many wounds to heal, a lot to process when a relationship ends. It is a rebuilding process that takes time, either by your own decision or by someone else. The important thing is, little by little, to go through it, to be reborn again.

Through these reflections on love, we can perceive that loving is extraordinary, but keeping the flame of love alive is not that simple. The most important thing is to allow ourselves to experience this feeling in a healthy way and, if possible, make it last overtime…

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