Irrational ideas are unfounded thoughts that cause us psychological discomfort. In the realm of couple relationships, irrational ideas are based on romantic love. Although many people share them, they threaten the quality of an authentic relationship in practice.
The concept of romantic love gained strength in the Middle Ages. We could venture that it ended up being reinforced in the 20th century with the stories of defenseless princesses, Disney movies, pop ballads, and Hollywood romantic comedies.
“Loving is not looking at each other; it is looking together in the same direction.”
-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry-
Irrational romantic ideas are strict, usually expressed with verbal formulas of obligation such as “should” or “should” and revolve around how the person, the relationship, or … love should be.
Albert Ellis, creator of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (RBT), in addition to his well-known 11 irrational ideas, has described throughout his publications as many absolute thoughts related to relationships.
We have selected the 10 irrational ideas that invade us most frequently. We propose more realistic and relaxed thinking to help you fight themRead:5 common communication mistakes in the relationship
1- I must be the ideal partner.
Instead of this thought that we impose on ourselves as an obligation, we can greatly reduce the pressure if we replace it to be a good partner, which entails respecting the other’s way and analyzing the possible wrong attitudes that we have
2- Disappointing the other would be horrible.
If we have this belief, something as possible as disappointing the partner could turn out to be tragic. It is better to accept the possibility of this happening, but with the will to dialogue to assess whether the behavior that has generated the disappointment is susceptible to change
3- My interests and needs must revolve around my partner and vice versa.
Why? It is clear that it is better to share interests. Still, it is healthier than not everyone revolves around the other. In this case, a more flexible thought would be to want to make your own needs known to the other to be known and understood
4- If something displeases me, it is better to keep quiet than break the harmony.Read:5 essential ingredients in a relationship
Swallowing words is indigestible. And in the long term, harmful. If we don’t like something, the best option is to analyze it objectively and talk about it
5- We must agree, especially on important issues.
It is almost impossible to agree 100% on all issues. Different points of view do not always imply discord, only a different vision of reality
6- The other person will bring me the happiness I need
Holding the partner – or anyone else – responsible for our happiness is as false as it is dangerous. We don’t need anyone to be happy. The rational thought would be, “I like having someone who loves me, but if I didn’t, I would be just as happy.
7- We should never argue.
If you think that arguing is a drama, you miss out on how interesting it is to contrast different ways of thinking and how rewarding it is to reach an agreement. The important thing is to know how to do itRead:Why I can’t stop thinking about my ex-partner?
8- Since my partner loves me, he must know my thoughts and wishes without communicating them.
Many, many people hold this idea. Having a partner does not grant you the gift of divination. If you hide your feelings, it is practically impossible for the other to guess what is happening to you or simply how you are
9- If you ignore me, you are no longer interested in anything.
Although the other person loves us, at times, they may be tired, angry, or unwilling to give us their full attention. It is normal and punctual, which does not necessarily mean that he has stopped loving us.
If you are in love, you cannot be attracted to other peopleBeing attracted to other people comes naturally. We choose our partner because the relationship is based on other pillars besides physical attraction …
How many of these thoughts are you believing? Each of them can generate frustration because, being so far from reality, they probably will not come to fruition most of the time.
The belief that the relationship should work under these precepts is only an agreement with yourself based on unrealistic romantic thoughts. Be more flexible and realistic, relax, trust, abandon fear and … enjoy life as a couple!