- 1 Keys to resolve marital conflicts effectively according to psychology
- 1.1 Anatomy of fights: what usually triggers them?
- 1.2 Not now, better when we are more relaxed (schedule times for discussion)
- 1.3 I love you, and I want to solve this, but give me just 10 minutes.
- 1.4 Proposals instead of criticism requests instead of reproaches
- 1.5 Listen without interrupting and ask to understand
- 1.6 Learn to ask for forgiveness to resolve marital conflicts effectively
Sometimes putting off an argument to a time of day when we are clearer can help us better resolve conflicts in the relationship. Let’s learn more tips to deal with such situations.
“Are you already with that again?” “Is that you only realize the things that suit you” “you can’t talk to you, you decide what you think, and that’s it.” These situations may sound familiar to many. These are moments of tension and disagreements that often end in tears, screams, and hours of silence. Resolving relationship conflicts effectively is an art that we should all learn.
Now, where do you start? The first step would be nothing more and nothing less than becoming aware of something: we are horrible at arguing. We are not very skilled at managing differences and handling conflicts. Discussions are not battlefields; they are scenarios to make dialogue a tool for knowledge, agreements, and alliances.
Now, the most obvious problem in this relational matter is emotions. A disagreement, a difference, or a specific call to attention can bring out the most uncomfortable emotions. Suddenly we are gripped by disappointment, frustration, and even anger. “How can you say or do this?” we think. And instantly, the dialogue ceases to be useful to become accusatory and infertile.Read:I feel used by my partner; what can I do?
Let’sTherefore, let’s see a series of basic strategies that can help us in these situations.
Keys to resolve marital conflicts effectively according to psychology
If we ask ourselves the most recurrent problem in a relationship, it is likely that many already know the answer: communication. Somehow, through this channel, they transcend infinite dimensions. Respect, the ability to empathize and understand, the ability to focus on the agreement and not only on the differences, etc., are areas that make the art of communication more skillful.
Now, something that we undoubtedly know is that many men and women lack the skills to resolve marital conflicts effectively. Studies, such as the one carried out at the State University of New York (Stony Brook), remind us of something fundamental that serves as a starting point.
The success and happiness of a couple do not start from the absence of problems but from managing them properly. We analyze a series of keys that psychology offers us.
Anatomy of fights: what usually triggers them?
In general, conflicts in couples almost always follow a pattern. To put it simply: certain things always act as a fuse for discussion, criticism, reproach, and disagreement. Furthermore, it is common that some core problems are at the root of our problems.Read:What are the differences between attraction, infatuation, and love?
You may be too jealous, and the problem lies in your insecurity. We may have the problem in the stress surrounding us, at work or the lack of it, at home, in the children if there are any, in the lack of time.
Far from building bridges to solve, we deconstruct criticism, threat, and reproach that hurt. It is necessary to identify those red dots that cause our conflicts.
Not now, better when we are more relaxed (schedule times for discussion)
There are moments when, almost without realizing it, the perfect storm breaks out. The discussion begins, for example, when we return from work when we are most tired when work problems also creep into our minds. We must be aware of something straightforward: when emotions are running high, we let go of the most misguided comments.
Let’s be cautious. One of the best ways to resolve marital conflicts effectively is knowing how to choose the moment. Sometimes postponing a conversation allows us to see things more clearly and resolve them successfully.Read:24 love poems to dedicate to your partner
I love you, and I want to solve this, but give me just 10 minutes.
Who has not ever happened? In the middle of an argument with someone, it is very likely that at a given moment, we feel blocked. They are moments in which the emotions make an appearance again with great intensity. Then we even stop listening to the other.
If we previously recommended choosing a good time of day to have that difficult conversation, we must also keep this strategy in mind. Asking the other person to give us 10 minutes to ourselves is also useful, emotionally intelligent, and valid to return to that conversation more calmly.
Let’s also do it effectively, tell the other something like: “I love you, and I want to solve this, but I need 10 minutes.”
Proposals instead of criticism requests instead of reproaches
When it comes to resolving conflicts in a relationship effectively, we must use a decisive, useful and positive approach. What does this mean? It implies that if we focus only on reproaching the other for what they do wrong or criticizing what we do not like, we will not advance.
Therefore, we must be able to propose and request: “I would like us to decide things between the two from now on. I suggest that when something bothers you, tell me and don’t keep it to yourself”.
Listen without interrupting and ask to understand
Few things are more complicated in the middle of an argument than listening to each other without interrupting. Now, we must train and habituate ourselves in the skill of active and patient listening. This means that it is necessary to listen to the other with attention, letting them express everything they want and need.
Later, instead of falling back on the “is that you is that for you … “it is good to resort to the constructive question. “You tell me I’m not paying attention to you. What exactly do I do to make you feel that way?”
These strategies will allow us to assess the situation of one further and the other to make better and more accurate decisions.
Learn to ask for forgiveness to resolve marital conflicts effectively
Asking for forgiveness is an act of respect, doing it well, a virtue. Because not all” I’m sorry” are valid when we argue with our partner and become aware of something we have done wrong. What is appropriate, what is expected, is to ensure that these apologies authentically reach the other and explain what we feel we have done wrong and how we will improve that situation.
To conclude, we are always on time to integrate these resources and skills with our partner on a day-to-day basis. The willingness to learn them and the desire to apply them will dramatically improve our relationship.