I’m afraid of falling in love again. What can I do?

When your heart has been broken so often, you choose to lock your doors. Not to feel in order not to suffer. The fear of falling in love after failure is quite common. What should we do in these circumstances?

“I am afraid of falling in love again and going through the same suffering. 

I am afraid of falling into that trap in which I give everything to end up with nothing. Does love always have to hurt, or am I just unlucky?”. Many ask these same questions and fear, in turn, establishing a new relationship after experiencing more than one failure, more than one painful disappointment.

Some have one or several poorly resolved sad love stories tattooed on their hearts. They leave traces and conflicting emotions. Bad experiences that are not appropriately processed slow down the present and make us see the future with fear. This frequently occurs in the field of effective relationships. Traumatic ruptures encapsulate us, cover us with a layer of silent pain that oxidizes our spirits, our confidence.

That of not feeling in order not to suffer is a formula that many try to apply. It will always be better to put a lock on the heart than to leave it open so that anyone can enter and leave everything scrambled, destroyed. What can we do in these circumstances? How to handle that particular fear? We analyze it.

Read:How does low self-esteem affect the relationship?

I’m afraid of falling in love again: acting and reflection strategies.

There is no greater longing than to love and be loved. The human being is genetically oriented to bonding, to that emotional connection with which to build relationships, be they friends or affective. We could say that whoever avoids it, whoever says to himself that “I’m afraid of falling in love again,” is little more than a rare bird.

However, the philosophies, that is, those who fear love, are increasingly abundant. They are not a strange exception to the norm. People with a bewildering need to withdraw and withdraw when a potential partner approaches them, someone they might love. They build walls and avoid it because they fear feeling vulnerable because they are terrified that the wounds that others left them will reopen.

This is a problem? Maybe I suffer from some kind of disorder if this is my reality right now? Philosophobia or the simple reluctance not to get involved in a new relationship after having one or more failures is within the norm. However, we must be aware of something: perhaps, we are vetoing the opportunity to be happy again.

Read:Why I can’t stop thinking about my ex-partner?

We may even be distorting some aspects of what love really is. Let us, therefore, reflect on some aspects.

The fear of love is actually made up of many other fears: name them.

“I am afraid of falling in love again.” When we say this to ourselves, we are not always aware that we feel many more fears added to the very fact of starting a new relationship. Naming and identifying each thought, concern, fear, and feeling will help us feel better.

This would be an example. “I’m afraid he will cheat me again. I’m afraid that he will play on my self-esteem again . I am terrified of feeling vulnerable, worrying if he is lying to me again or if he really loves me…”.

All these fears are aspects that we must review and work on. Suppose there is something positive about having gone through several relationships. In that case, it is learning, being able to shape a more secure, mature, and conscious version of ourselves after having gone through several experiences.

Read:My partner lies to me; what can I do?

If you fear that others will open wounds from the past, it is that they have not yet closed as they should

If you are afraid that a new love will open your scars from the past, it is because those wounds are not healed. If the memory still hurts you, if there are corners in you that still sting and that take you back to yesterday, you still have a pending account with yourself. It is not convenient to pretend, throw ourselves into the day-to-day as if those internal injuries did not exist.

What is not healed will not only prevent us from loving and being loved as we deserve. What hurts infects almost every aspect of life, makes us fearful, we build walls of mistrust. Frustration saturates nearly every dream, plan, or perspective.

Time to love ourselves, no rush

If I am afraid of falling in love again, it is because there was someone who did not love us as we should. It is an apparent reality. It is a fact that should be assumed and dealt with appropriately. How? We have to Recompose those fragments of a harmful love of that bad will that splintered our self-esteem.

After these experiences, there is only one possible and recommended option: to give ourselves time to love ourselves as we deserve. Appreciating who we are, giving ourselves what we need, and projecting new plans are ideal ways to repair dignity and self-concept.

The hands of time do not sew the pieces of a broken heartWhat repairs the mark of suffering is our attitude, our willingness to overcome what we have experienced.

I’m afraid of falling in love again, but I’m not going to sabotage myself.

You can tell yourself that of “I’m afraid to fall in love again” and that you feel like that, it is understandable and respectable. Now, all fear is acceptable as long as it does not act by limiting your life. The most successful thing in these circumstances is giving us the time necessary to process the experience, requesting expert help if we wish.

However, it is also not good to sabotage ourselves by refusing the opportunity to be happy again. Because there is the fact that we must bear in mind, Authentic love does not hurt; it enriches. The person who healthily loves you will make you feel solid and secure, not vulnerable. 

Authentic affection will give you roots and security, not uncertainties and voids where the desire, dreams, commitments escape. Let’s give ourselves time to heal and love again. It is not worth putting a lock on the heart when, in reality, there are loves that are worth joy.

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